Lean On Me
by VisualIDentificationZeta
Summary: Harm/Singer, SUMMARY: when the black sheep of the JAG family suddenly starts acting like a small frightened animal Harm steps in, wanting to help, having no idea how that will change his life.
1. Chapter 1

TITLE: Lean On Me

AUTHOR: Vid Z.

PAIRING: Harm/Loren

TIMELINE: Season 6.

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the TV show JAG are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this fic. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A COUPLE OF YEARS OLD AUTHOR'S NOTES (so add a few more years to the ones stated): I first came up with this fic's plot and have already decided on it being a Harm/Singer fic years before I even started writing fics. Back then I haven't even started writing yet (so that's more than 4 years ago, but I think at least 5 or 6) and apart from reading and liking the fabulous "The Unlikely" series by Nicole I haven't really thought of Harm/Singer seriously. Only 3 ship (the three parts of Nicole's series) and 1 UST fic (Yvonne's "One Day") of this pairing existed then only, so believe it or not I didn't really consider the pairing worth dedicating myself to for the simple reason I wouldn't have anything to read myself. The change in thinking came only later. So, I wasn't the one to bring this ship into the world, but I can call myself the one who put it on it's feet and established it as a serious pairing, equal to Mac/Webb, Mac/Chegwidden,... Anyway, this fic has been buzzing around my head ever since, but it never had a solid enough form for me to write it down or I was too lazy or just had no posibility to write it down (either didn't have paper or my computer present) or just didn't trust myself with writing a fic. I started writing so late only because I was insecure about my ability as a writer. This year it was for the first time that I was seriously getting around to writing it, but then my mother had a breast cancer scare a few months ago and the desire to write this fic left me for obvious reasons. Those weeks from the first time I heard of her situation until the resolution (a couple of weeks until biopsy and then 2 weeks until we got the results through the mail) were some of the worst, because that was a very big worry on top of a whole pile of problems and worries we had then. Thank god it turned out okay. It was only in May that I got to writing this again and I hope I did it justice, especially considering how long it took me.

NEW AUTHOR'S NOTES: after letting this sit on my pc for a few years I've decided to resume it. Beware that I'm rewriting chapters as I'm proof-reading them for posting. The original form of this fic is nauseatingly fluffy and as I've started to write more realistic and level-headed fics I'll be rewriting it as I go.

Also, the title is a working title until I think of one better, so it's subject to possible change.

SUMMARY: A hurt/comfort romance story, with angst, but also fluff.

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Harm was smiling as he looked around the bullpen when suddenly the smile turned into a frown.

Mac, standing next to him, saw the direction he was looking and frowned herself, misinterpreting the reason "Yeah, I don't like her either."

He didn't bother correcting her that he wasn't frowning in dislike, but in concern.

It was the previous week that LT Loren Singer's behaviour had suddenly changed. Dramatically.

She'd used to come to work and stride through the bullpen and into her office with a haughty and arrogant air, the attitude of a person whom nothing could move, but in the last week that had changed noticeably.

She rushed through the common area, breezing past everyone, trying to make herself invisible and walked looking down at the ground.

She reminded Harm of a cat one of his previous neighbors, while Harm'd been in elementary school, had had. The poor animal had suffered much abuse and everywhere she went she was always speed walking while hugging the ground, trying to avoid being seen. And she'd always tried to keep to the walls, like soldiers walking on the sides of a path rather than middle, to avoid easy detection, just like Loren was trying to keep as far away from anyone while still being in the same room.

Something was very obviously very, very wrong.

Knowing she'd never share the reasons for her distress voluntarily and that no-one but him at work actually cared about the black sheep of their little family Harm knew it was on him to try to find out what the matter was and help if there was any way he could.

Excusing himself from Mac he took the direct path towards Loren's office, ignoring Mac's strange and even pissed-off look.

Peering inside he saw the woman of his thoughts sitting in her chair, gazing thoughtfully at the computer screen. She was frowning heavily, but Harm could see that it was not in anger, but in fear. That gave him the courage to step inside, silently close the door and take a seat, ignoring Loren's shocked look.

He sat there silently, only observing her with a penetrating look. Loren had the feeling he was seeing right through her.

When he'd said nothing for half a minute her surprise had turned into anger and she inquired him testily.

"Commander?"

The raised eyebrow accompanied the silent command to tell her why he was bothering her.

He was silent for another 40 seconds and by the time he finally spoke up Loren was at the end of her tether and just about to call in the Master at Arms.

When he finally spoke his voice was soft, threaded through by an inflection Loren had never before heard. Well, at least aimed at her. Which is why it took her a while to identify it.

It was caring.

"What's wrong, LT?"

She instinctively stiffened and her eyes narrowed. Harm could almost see walls going up.

"Wrong, sir?"

His expression didn't change, nor did his relaxed slouch in the chair. She didn't know what made her angrier: the casual way he was slouching in her presence as if they were best friends or lovers or that he was trying to find out the matter of her personal terror.

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	2. Chapter 2

Yup, I'm a bastard for leaving you this long without an update for even one of my stories. I have absolutely no excuse.

Anyway, since I'm updating with a longer chapter than previous am I forgiven?

Thanks to my lovely readers **Lynnp, jojobevco, Michi uk, Sarai **and **Vesja** for their reviewers. Since a few others have vanished I'm guessing the topic is too heavy for them, so they're excused. :)

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Why couldn't he just go with the program, do what others always did and not care about anyone but himself?

Why did he have to make her feel as if she could confide in him all her secrets and he wouldn't judge? Why did he have to make her feel as if she could tell him all her concerns and problems and he would just listen carefully, try to figure out a way to solve them, try to help her and hold her gently, caringly, as she cried into his shoulder?

Why did he have to make her feel as if she could easily burrow into his arms and cry her heart out, cry out decades of pain and misery and loneliness and abandonment, and he would just hold her tenderly, kiss her hair occasionally, murmur soothing words into her ear and envelop her into the warmth of his care and compassion?

She could already feel her walls break down as he gazed silently at her, his eyes prompting her to share her burden, to let him in.

Oh how she wished she would have someone to share this particular burden with, this burden that was too big for any one person to carry, someone to be there for her and help her fight the terror that had her in it's claws.

"LT, something's wrong. I can tell." he finally stated "I can't and won't order you to tell me what it is, but it's quite clearly something very serious."

Cutting him off she insisted "It's nothing, sir."

Inwardly she winced at the lie and wished she had it in her to just tell him what was wrong. Maybe he would give her the courage to do what she had to do...

Harm observed her silently for a minute again, which unnerved her terribly, when she suddenly saw his eyes flare for a second. It seemed as if he'd just had some kind of enlightenment. Her theory was confirmed when he suddenly abandoned his relaxed slouch and leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees.

"Do you have a civilian jacket here, by any chance?"

The question surprised her and she nodded warily.

"Good. We'll meet at the beginning of the lunch hour in the parking lot. Just put the civilian jacket on and remove anything obviously military off your blouse. I'll be doing the same. Without the uniform jackets we'll look like civilians, so we'll be able to remain inconspicuous."

"Why, sir?"

Harm leaned further forward, looking into her eyes with an intensity she found disconcerting, and whispered so as not to be overheard "LT, something is obviously greatly bothering you and this is not the place to talk."

"Sir, it's nothing. There's nothing wrong with me." she made her one last stand.

Harm's eyes looked sad "Give me some credit, LT. I know when there's a problem and from personal experience I also recognize when the problem's too big for one person to deal with it by themselves. It's a big enough problem to be affecting your behaviour and if you don't talk about it it could also start affecting your on-job performance. Which would mean bad fitreps and a stalled career."

He hated manipulation, but this time it was obviously sorely needed. He didn't know what was wrong with her, but something was apparently troubling her. This week had been the first time he'd seen the strong, fearless LT act like a small, scared animal, scurrying about as if bloodhounds were right behind her, terrified for her life, knowing it was about to die.

He knew the only thing that could force her into complying with his plan was implicating her career could suffer and was confirmed in his belief when after a pause she nodded reluctantly.

"I can help you work out the problem or just give some advice or just support if nothing else, both off the record, but you have to do something, if not for yourself, then for your career. It's obviously a big problem and if I noticed it, the Admiral will soon notice it himself."

Seeing she had no other option Loren conceded and with a confirming nod Harm stood up.

"See you in the parking lot then."

With that he left the office, shutting the door softly, leaving Loren to wonder what the hell had she gotten herself into.

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A few hours later Harm checked the time, stood up from his desk and stepped over to the hanger. Quickly changing his uniform jacket with a civilian one he made sure nothing was giving away his chosen life path.

Since dress blues were the uniform of the day his double-breasted navy-blue civilian jacket fit nicely with his navy blue trousers and black leather shoes. He looked like any other businessman.

Ignoring the curious stares of his coworkers, who had seen the unapproachable LT Loren Singer dressed in the same style just minutes ago, he secured his office, pocketted the keys and strode off.

For efficiency, speed and health he took the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. It was only 2 floors anyway, no reason to wait like he was old or an invalid when he was still quite healthy (well, except for his back).

Arriving at the parking lot area he quickly found Loren milling around, drawing curious glances from the guards, who were surely curious why she hadn't just simply gotten into her car and driven off.

He'd seen the petite Lieutenant in civilian clothes only very few times in the years he'd known her and, even though he'd been stuck on Mac for a long time, he'd always had to admit that this haughty woman was a very beautiful one indeed. Her red satin chinese-style dress from Christmas 2001 had definitely drawn long, admiring gazes from all the males at the party, single or not.

Compared to Loren Mac had dressed like a patsy. Wearing that weird style of jacket with the plunging neckline that still revealed absolutely nothing, besides being inappropriate for someone with her rank, combined with those slacks it had made her look Cissy Meldrum from that old british comedy "You rang M'Lord?" and she was definitely too tall for that style. There was also that awful hair-do...

It was the night the two women had switched places... Mac had gone from the temptress she was most of the time to the "ugly" duckling (phrase used figuratively and not literally, as in physically ugly, but weird).

And Loren had gone from the woman no man looked at while in uniform, much less liked to look at twice, to being the Second Coming of Cinderella (or is it the first, since the original is fictional?), like the "ugly" duckling that had finally grown into a beautiful, graceful swan?

It had been weird seeing Mac and Loren talk civily back then, for not only had the two women never had much love lost for each other, actually they'd always been at each other's throats, but the other reason was because they looked so different physically: next to the shorter, but more voluptous Loren, with just the right curves to make blood sing faster through a man's veins, Mac had looked like a dried-out bean-pole.

Loren had drawn many appreciative gazes then, the red dress emphasizing her perfect figure, long muscular legs, flat belly, lovely, firm hips that narrowed into a slim waist that then flared into wide ribcage housing impressive lungs and full heavy breasts, atop of that a graceful neck and femininely thin arms. Harm had to admit even the pony-tail had been attractive. Not a hair of her dark blond hair, gleaming in the light from being squeaky clean, had been out of place. He'd never before known that a pony tail can be attractive or that it can even be seductive, but Loren's had definitely been, next to oddly fitting her dress quite well. The unexpected side effect of that day was that Harm had started to prefer pony-tails over every other hair-do.

Even though he had until then been vaguely aware of the arrogant woman's attractiveness, the knowledge had stayed only on the outskirts of his awareness and had not broken through, all due to his tunnel vision, better said: target fixation, aimed at Mac. And look where that had gotten him...

But after having received numerous put-offs and rejections from Mac, too numerous to count; Harm had over the past few years let go. But not of whatever Mac'd wanted him to let go off, however...

No, Harmon Rabb Jr. had let go of Sarah "Mac" MacKenzie herself.

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	3. Chapter 3

I think a fair warning is needed. This story won't center around medical aspects of Loren's condition, the story's point of interest are something just as important as the weapons the medical profession has against it: support system... other people the affected person can lean on, who give strength and support that person, who give the will and determination to keep on fighting. Also how extreme circumstances can bond two people together to create that needed support system, two people who didn't have much of a relationship before, how these circumstances can make or break friendships, relationships, and make people see new sides about each other.

While this story IS heavy on narration, I hope you can see why it is so, that the circumstances it writes about can't be sufficiently described with dialogues.

Huge thanks go to **Vesja, jojobevco, jpstar57, carolfd, Lynnp, Michi uk** and **Captain J 737.**

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"I apologize for the delay." he said apologetically as he approached her and saw the irritation in her eyes. "Come on, let's take my car."

Then, seeing the dubious, wary look in her eyes he explained patiently "It's easier, since I know where to go and that way we'll need only one parking space."

' And because that way you can't chicken out and make a break for it.' he added mentally.

He led the way to his Lexus, the young female officer following slightly behind him. As soon as they were both inside he looked at her and smiled reassuringly.

"Don't worry, I'm not kidnapping you. We're just going to a nearby park and we'll talk there."

Smiling one last time, noticing it did nothing to put her at ease, he turned over the engine and put the car in gear.

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It was a beautiful day in April and for a brief second Loren enjoyed the outing. That is, until she remembered they were there to talk and not to take in the warm, bright sun.

Harm found them a bench in the park, carefully selecting it for it's strategic location. He made sure it was in public so that Loren would have a feeling of security, knowing how nervous he was making her, but private enough so no-one would overhear what they'd talk about. The added aspect to it was that no-one would interrupt their conversation unintentionally, like perhaps a jogger coming by, cutting Loren off right at the most crucial moment, when she'd want to share her burden, just to make her retreat behind her fortifications. Assuming, of course, Harm would be able to get her to talk about her troubles.

Having come to care about the outsider of the JAG family against his will he definitely hoped she'd let him in.

Taking a seat in one corner he let her have the rest of the bench to decide how close to him she was comfortable sitting.

He knew it wasn't a very gentlemanly move to take a seat before the lady, but there were extenuating circumstances here, things at work he was sure his mother would excuse if she knew. Also, it wasn't as if they were taking a seat by a dinner table at a restaurant where he'd push the chair in for her. Something he wasn't sure just how it would be accepted.

Loren surprised him when she sat down without saying a word, yet Harm could see a slight disappointment in him for not having waited for her to be seated first.

Harm winced inwardly, first mistake made, he was hoping there wouldn't be more and worse following.

To his relief Loren hadn't chosen a seat where she'd be farthest from him, clinging to the edge, but had sat down on the other half of the bench, which made a professional distance of about a foot between them.

She was looking down at her lap, fiddling with the zipper of the small handbag she had with her in lieu of her larger purse.

Harm was leaning forward, his elbows on his knees and hands clasped, trying to decide how to proceed. Should he say something first or wait her out? As an investigator he knew people couldn't stand long, tense silences and would start talking eventually, but Loren knew that too...

Finally, after a minute of nothing, he decided it was time to break the silence.

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"Loren." Harm started gently, causing her to look up at him with wide surprised eyes. He smiled softly and explained "There are no ranks here, no Commanders, no Lieutenants, no Navy. Just Harm and Loren."

She looked away quickly and he tentatively reached out and took her hand. It twitched in his larger, warmer one, but she didn't pull it away.

Encouraged he continued"Over the past few days I've noticed you behaving very unlike yourself. It caused me to be concerned."

At her instantly fearful look he quickly reassured her "I didn't bring it up with the Admiral or anyone else, not even in a casual conversation with any of my friends. I've always believed in talking about the cause first before involving anyone else. And since I sense this it isn't job-related I'm not going to involve anyone else, it's not their business. I know we're not bosom-buddies." he stopped suddenly, embarrassed for a reason unknown to him.

Sure, just as the whole of her was attractive, so was her afore-mentioned part, but this phrase had never gotten him so close to blushing. What was so different now? Best not to think about it and try to save the conversation before the awkwardness killed it.

"But I just want you to know you can talk to me about _anything_, anything at all and I would be most honored if you'd confide in me and I swear on my father's grave I won't tell anything you say, to anyone. I will take it with me to my grave."

He could see her gnaw on her lower lip before she made a last ditch attempt "I'm fine, sir, really."

He stopped her with a look and after a minute her shoulders slumped as she finally gave in.

He spoke no more, letting her gather thoughts and lower those walls on her own time.

"It's pretty embarrassing." she cautioned and Harm only smiled encouragingly.

"And private." she added, but he could sense she wanted to talk about this herself, so he swore to himself he'd listen and try to help even if it was about the most embarrassing topics of the female reproductive system. Though he didn't think it was, cause she wouldn't have been so scared in that case.

"I was taking a shower last week..." she started and Harm felt his ears go red as he received the mental image of Loren naked; her supple, strong body glistening as soapy water caressed it

"... and when I was washing my... breasts...."

She was refusing to look his way, her face red and by now his ears were white-hot and for a fraction of a mili-second he regretted starting this, but then the regret passed, because he had a pretty good hunch by now of where this was going.

He knew the facts and he knew just how serious this was. While he'd never managed to establish a closer bond with the younger woman she still was in the circle of people he cared about, even if she'd never wanted to be. He didn't want her to die and a threat to her life affected him as much as a threat to any of his other friends' lives would.

Even though she was a loner and never tried to make others like her, sometimes going out of her way to make sure they _wouldn't_ like her, he knew she wasn't all bad, much less evil. Other times she proved herself downright likeable and respectable.

"... is when I found a lump on the lower side of my left one." she concluded, her voice a whisper now, lips trembling as she was looking down at her hands.

"Have you been to a doctor yet?" it was the first thing he thought of, they needed to know just how serious it was.

He was struck by how small her voice sounded, the threat of tears evident "No."

His forehead wrinkled as he frowned "Why not?"

"I'm too scared."

She looked up, directly into his eyes and once again remembered him of a small, wounded animal, knowing it was about to die, long before it's time, when it should have so many seasons yet to live, yet still looking for a way to survive, not giving in, begging for help, fighting for it's life even through it's paralyzing terror, begging it's killer and the universe for another way, pleading for more years on this planet, to not have it's life cut short.

His soft, caring soul, the soul that had brought home wounded cats, birds and dogs he'd found on the street, rose up in him and demanded to be let in control. Without even a thought to resistance he gave in and the next thing he knew he was pulling his coworker into his strong embrace, trying to lend her his strength.

She stiffened immediately, but then after a minute when he didn't let go, her countenance softened, her small body almost melting against his larger one. Small, hesitant arms wrapped slowly, haltingly around his waist, completing their embrace as best they could while still sitting side by side on the bench.

He held her against his chest for what seemed a long time. To his utter and pleased surprise Loren clung to him and Harm had a feeling she hadn't had anyone to be strong for her for years. Hadn't had anyone, hadn't _allowed_ anyone to share the load of life, by giving up for even a short time her iron-tight control on her emotions and life in general, no-one to just hold her when she was scared, vulnerable, hurt and generally in need of a hug.

Being able to rely on yourself is a good thing, but when you push it too far the only thing it then does is to **harm **_you_, instead of giving you security.

People are social, pack creatures and the only way we thrive is in close contact with other people, alone and by ourselves we just wither and die.

By now she'd relaxed fully into him, burrowing into his strong arms, surprising him by hiding her face in his chest, seeking security and protection from the world for the few seconds she allowed herself to hide from it. She wasn't crying, it wasn't her way to let herself cry in front of others, he knew that for he was the same, but she _was _letting him comfort her and she h_ad _ let him in, shared her fear and her burden, thus allowing him to carry half of it. Or perhaps even more.

"Just lean on me, let me be strong for you." he whispered into her hair.

He would carry as much as she'd allow him.

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	4. Chapter 4

Really sorry for the late and such a short post, but my life's been crazy.

My last exam is standing before me and, to top it off, some asshole rammed my bike when it was parked in a parking lot so it tipped over. And that right before my very eyes, when I was walking towards the bike to go home...

So, now added to studying I have to run around insurance companies, argue with them, having to fill out additional reports (damn bureaucrats) and it looks like I'll be without a bike for at least 3 weeks if not more. And that the bike I've wished for, for 8 years before I finally got it last Summer, the bike I really love. I'm far from a violent person, but if my Suzi hadn't been my first concern right then, I probably would've struck the guy for not looking where he was going and ramming my beloved Suzuki.

So, from the mess that is currently my personal life, comes the next part of "Lean on me". Please, enjoy it.

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After a few minutes Harm gently disengaged a single arm and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a handkerchief and gave it to Loren, who accepted it gratefully. His body felt cold as Loren pulled back to get herself back to presentable condition, but he ignored it. He then again reached into his pocket and pulled out his slim cell phone, while Loren observed him with a furrowed brow.

Putting in a number he knew from memory he waited for the other side to pick it up.

"Yes, hi. Dr. Elizabeth O'Brian, please. Tell her it's Commander Rabb calling. Thanks."

He glanced at Loren, watching him with a shocked look in her ice blue orbs. Hearing a voice in the small speaker he went back to his call.

"Hi, Liz. Yeah, I'm fine, thanks.... How's the family?.... That's great, tell Rob he still owes me a rematch... Yeah..." he chuckled "I've been putting in some roller-skating hours and am gonna kick his ass this time.... Anyway, Liz, the reason for my call... I have a friend who is in need of your expertise..." Loren's eyes widened at his casual description of her as a 'friend' and her vision blurred for a moment, her hormones still all-over the place "Yes, she found a mass on her mammary.... Um, about a week ago... Liz, she was afraid and panicked, that's normal! Remember, it took me 2 weeks before I got up the courage... I don't know, Liz, I didn't ask _that_... And I'm gonna pretend I never heard that!"

Harm quickly looked away from Loren's eyes, fully aware his eartips were dark red. Thank god Loren hadn't heard Liz suggest he did a personal examination to give her exact information, when he'd told her he didn't know anything about the position, the shape or the size of the mass. He cleared his throat to get Liz's attention.

"How soon can you fit her in?... Yeah, the sooner the better.... That soon?.... Great, thanks, I'll tell her. I owe you one, say hi to the family and I'll see you then."

He closed the phone with a satisfied smile and explained immediately, noticing her inquisitive expression "She can fit you in during lunch hour on Friday. She'll first take a look herself and then do the biopsy immediately if it's needed."

Then, noticing her teary eyes, he became worried "What's wrong?"

She smiled a small watery smile "You called me your ' friend '."

Not seeing what she wanted to say Harm smiled confused.

"Yeeahhh?" he drawled, prodding her to elaborate on her statement.

"I guess I just didn't expect it." she looked down at her hands, the insecurities she kept well hidden under her haughty exterior came bubbling up again.

"Um, why?" Harm asked, bending down, trying to meet her eyes.

Then he finally got it. With a finger under her chin he gently lifted her eyes to meet his.

"We are friends, Loren. We may have occasionally not seen eye-to-eye on a matter and we're not the closest friends, but I do and I always have considered you a friend."

"Thank you." she whispered, her voice husky with emotion.

Awareness that the moment had passed and an embrace would thus be awkward, he settled on putting a hand on her hand in understanding and silent reassurance, letting the warmth from his seep into hers.

The moment of peace didn't last long before they were reminded by the beeping of Harm's watch alarm that the lunch hour was almost over and they had to go back to work.

Harm let go of Loren's hand, illiciting a quiet sigh from her.

She hadn't had someone there for her, to hold her, comfort and support her, in so long that she was desperate for it by now and the dose she'd received from Harm wasn't enough. She wanted more, but knew it wasn't possible, unwilling to take the risk. She'd had relationships, few and far between as they'd been, her demanding career taking up all of her time and the relationships she had had, had reflected her career-oriented mindset.

In all of her involvements, none of her men had ever taken the time to just hold her, infuse her with their strength and warmth, all of those relationships had namely been either only about sex or she was involved with men who were as emotionally distant and career-oriented as she herself. Because of the type of relationships she'd gotten involved in none of the men had made her feel as safe, as cared for, as valuable and important to someone, as Harm had made her feel with that single embrace. Simply because that had never been a part of the type of relationships she'd engaged in, in the past.

And the weirdest, most ironic thing about it all was that the man who made her feel that way was a man she wasn't even in a relationship with. He was just a coworker and nothing more.

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	5. Chapter 5

Sorry for such a short update, but I've been on the run the whole day, had plenty of errands to keep me occupied, the fact that I could even update at all is amazing.

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As they were walking back to the car Loren suddenly thought of something, causing her to mentally roll her eyes at her own forgetfulness.

"Harm?"

"Hmm?" he sounded distracted.

Loren canted her head at him. "Where is Dr O'Brian anyway and who is she?"

"Oh." Harm smiled sheepishly. For all he'd told her, Liz could be a doctor in Las Vegas.

"She's an oncologist and a healer at Bethesda."

"Healer?" Loren cut him off disbelievingly "You didn't set me up with someone who's gonna put her hands on me and chant, did you?"

He smiled amused."No, Loren. Healer means that she's a fully qualified doctor, but also a doctor who cares about her patients and treats them sensitively and compassionately as people, and not as pieces of meat or cases as most doctors do. She tries to heal them, not just cure them."

"Ah. That's good." Loren mumbled.

"Yeah, it is." agreed Harm.

"How did you meet her anyway?"

Harm shrugged. "I met her a few years back, made friends with her and kept in touch. Hell, I was the one to match her up with Rob in the first place."

Loren grinned, but the grin sobered when Harm pointed out. "We'll have to tell the Admiral, you know? About what you found and your appointment..."

Loren glanced at him puzzled. _We?_ He planned on being involved in this, even in telling the Admiral? He _wanted_ to be involved and be there when telling the Admiral?

By this time they were already by the car and Harm opened the door for her, giving him a small smile she got in.

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	6. Chapter 6

After a thinking about it I decided to change the timeline of this fic from 2002 to 2000/2001. While Harm and Renee had been seeing each other occasionally they're not an item and are not in a relationship. Mac is with Brumby, who is already in the US and Mac is still stringing him along by not moving the ring over to the left hand (anyone seeing the similarity with Carter from Stargate taking two weeks to decide whether to accept a proposal or not? Were all of the TPTBs with the exception of Jim Henson Company completely without imaginations of their own?). So... yeah... I think that'll work better.

To clear up the misunderstanding regarding the last chapter: Liz suggesting to Harm he should give Loren an exam himself was ribbing on Liz's part, she was teasing Harm. He's single, she wants him happy and since Loren is obviously a woman, she couldn't help the matchmaker in her... It was meant as a joke and accepted as a joke, nothing more. Believe it or not, I DO know Harm doing that would be extremely inappropriate considering the bounds of his and Loren's relationship. :-)

Huge thanks to **Starman800 (**still waiting for the next chapter of Favor, man), **Vesja, carolfd, jojobevco, Lynnp **and **Michi uk.**

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Loren had been quiet ever since they'd gotten into the car and the silence was slowly starting to get to Harm. At the first red light he glanced at her, seeing her deep in thought, small hands clutching almost desperately at each other.

Laying one large hand on top of hers, ignoring her startled jump, he assured her "It'll be okay, you'll see."

Sending her a confident smile he fervently hoped he was telling the truth. While at any other time Loren wasn't one to tolerate platitudes he knew what she needed right now was reassurance, positive thinking and support. In return he received a tremulous smile. It was weak, but she _was _trying and that was the most important thing.

Thankfully the Lexus had an automatic gearbox so he didn't have to remove his hand until they arrived at the HQ's entrance checkpoint.

Stopping at the ramp Harm gave the sentry his and Loren's IDs. The shift must've changed because it was Lance Corporal Witchisky at the checkpoint now, no longer Corporal Bazzer. Witchisky had been a guard at the HQ for the past 2 years and from what Harm knew Kevin was a model soldier. Yet, for some reason today he had a very strange expression on his face as he looked at Harm and Loren and was taking an awfully long time checking the IDs.

Raising an eyebrow Harm inquired "Something the matter, Corporal?"

Witchisky jerked his head as if waking from a daydream, a chastised expression crossing his face "No, nothing's wrong, CDR Rabb, sorry. You can go."

Harm nodded, accepted the IDs back, sent Witchisky one last worried glance and drove off.

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They arrived into the bullpen with no further delay and Harm headed immediately for Tiner's office.

"Is he in?" he gestured towards the door.

"Yes, sir." answered the young man, before turning to the intercom "Sir, CDR Rabb and LT Singer would like to speak with you."

"Send them in." replied the stern voice from the machine.

"You can go in, sir." Tiner's words were superflous since the two somber officers had clearly heard the exchange and Harm was already opening the door for Loren.

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The Admiral listened attentatively, saying nothing, occasionally making a thoughtful sound.

When Loren ran out of words he was silent for a second before deciding "There'll be no discussion about it, you'll get all the time off you'll need, LT, and please keep me apraised of the situation."

"Thank you, sir, for now I would just like to ask for an extended lunch hour on Friday."

"Granted." the Admiral supplied immediately.

"If I'll need more I'll definitely let you know, sir. Hopefully it won't come to that."

Chegwidden nodded, but then his gaze slid across to Harm who'd been silent ever since he and Loren had entered his office.

"And what is the Commander's role in all this?"

Chegwidden looked pointedly at Harm over his glasses.

Loren blushed in embarrassement. She wasn't used to feeling such an overwhelming fear as she had when she'd found the mass and it had thus cancelled-out all of her checks and bypassed the strongholds of her strength, sending her into a blind run. She'd panicked, put plainly and simply.

"I panicked, sir." she got out and the Admiral's eyebrows lifted, not having expected such an honest confession.

Maybe the woman was growing, after all. Glancing quickly at Harm he wondered whether the CDR had anything to do with this development. He wouldn't put it past him. Harm had a gift for digging to the core of people, finding the best in them and encouraging it and them to grow. He was a miracle worker with scared, vulnerable, hurt and scarred people, and it seemed Loren was the newest beneficiary of this talent. Just too bad this hadn't happened immediately upon Loren's reassignment here - excluding the medical problem, of course. She wouldn't have experienced the ostracision by the rest of the staff that she had.

"When I first found the mass I was sent into blind panic and ignored what I found. The CDR noticed something was wrong and eventually confronted me about it. He got me to talk and took it upon himself to arrange an appointment with an oncologist for me."

Something didn't add up. The Admiral frowned in confusion at the dates. Waiting periods for specialist-doctor appointments are much longer. How long have these two been keeping this a secret? "When was this?"

"Today, sir, during lunch hour."

Okay, something fishy was definitely going on. Getting an appointment so soon?

"How did you manage to get an appointment for the LT so quickly, Mr Rabb?"

Harm cleared his throat, uncomfortable with being put on the spot and in the spotlight. Even though unwilling to pull strings and using his connections for his own ends he had no problems doing that for someone in need. While acknowledging there were times he had to come first for himself before everyone else, like when he'd needed to go back to flying to close that chapter of his life once and forever, something Mac didn't understand and took personally because she'd believed his life was supposed to revolve only around her even though they were not and had never been involved, he was not a selfish man, and he found pulling strings and garnering favors from people he knew for himself abhorring. When he wanted something for himself he went the official route, following protocol.

Some people accused him of having a hero complex, but that was as far from the truth as it could be. He helped people because he was one of the people left in this selfish world that was truly compassionate, honestly cared for other people, and also had the chance, the resources, the know-how and the connections to help, was thus in the position to help.

"A friend of mine is an oncologist and she agreed to see the LT during her own lunch hour."

"A friend?" the Admiral raised one of his eyebrow in an intimidating fashion. "Tell me, CDR, is there any place you _don't_ have friends?"

"Uh..."

"Don't anwer, was a rhetorical question." Chegwidden immediately stopped Harm from answering.

He took off his glasses and put them on his desk blotter, then exhaled heavily. "Okay, I've been notified of this latest event. LT, I'd just like to say I hope it turns out as well as possible and if you need anything, anything at all, don't hesitate coming to me."

Loren stared at Chegwidden in surprise and stuttered "Yes, sir, thank you, sir."

"Commander!" he then turned to Harm. "Take good care of the LT."

Loren looked between them, sensing a deeper conversation going on between the two men and didn't know whether to be pissed off or flattered. Since she wasn't in the position to do anything about any possible anger against her CO she chose to be flattered. Harm was another matter entirely...

"I will, sir." Harm nodded and by the set of his jaw Loren was already guessing he would be either overprotective or outright hovering and fussing. She'd have to nip it in the bud.

"That would be all."

They came to attention and turned to leave the room. Just as Harm was reaching for the doorknob they heard the Admiral speak up again.

"Oh, one more thing."

They turned around, looking at him expectantly.

"LT, while I regret the circumstances it's nonetheless good to see you finally making some friendships in this office, becoming a true part of the family."

"Sir?"

"You heard what I said. Now get the hell out of my office!" their CO yelled at them and they scrambled to comply.

Once the solid oak door were closed behind them they looked at each other and sighed in relief.

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**Reviews are love.**


	7. Chapter 7

I'm not gonna disrespect you by making up some excuses for why I haven't updated in so long.

There are several **reasons **I haven't updated in so long, chief among them College (passed the last of my exams, thank god, only the Diploma Thesis/Paper left) and the fact that I couldn't get into the mood or find the will to write.

Since I'm doing some major remodelling of this fic, like remodelling a house which translates into "I'm throwing a lot of old stuff out", it's taking time and requires a lot of patience from me and you both. But especially from me. :P

Seriously though, I'm working hard on making this fic better than it was in it's original form, a LOT less corny and more realistic.

The way it's coming out it's gonna be more of strong friendship drama fic with romance aside, than a drama romance fic. That's not to say our couple won't find happiness together, but it is to say that won't be the point of this fic nor will it be as bombastic and over-the-top as in my other fics or this fic's original direction. It will be more of a side-note to the main focus of a deep friendship growing from them going through Loren's emergency together.

Keep in mind two points though: I'm not an angst writer (have always believed RL has too much angst already to dump it on readers who read fics to get away from RL) and that I am definitely not intending to make this into another "One normal evening", so definitely not another 150,000 words.

Thanks to all of you who are reading this, but especially big thanks to those of you who bother to review!

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Once the solid oak door was closed behind their backs both officers couldn't help but let out matching sighs of relief as their shoulders relaxed simultaneously.

Rotating his head to the much smaller woman by his side Harm was faced with a glare.

"What?"

Seeing her open her mouth with the clear intention of berating him for something he'd apparently done he quickly cut her off, looking around "Not here. Let's go to my office."

Letting out an angry snort Loren turned and walked ahead of him, dodging the desk with a skill that drew many an appreciative stare to her swaying hips.

Clueless, Tiner blinked after them, diverting his gaze to Ensign Sims when she scurried into his small office, hungry for gossip "What was that all about, Tiner?"

Tiner could only shake his head in bewilderment as the door to Harm's office closed after the two attractive officers "I have no idea, ma'am."

A booming voice thundered suddenly behind them, making them both jump "Don't you have anything better to do?"

Two pairs of frightened eyes turned on their CO, who's expression matched his voice "Did you have something to discuss, Ensign?"

Harriet shook her head "N.. n... no, sir!"

"Then get back to your duties." Chegwidden barked at her, the latest drama making him grouchy "If you don't have anything to do I'm sure I can find plenty of work that needs to be done."

"Aye aye, sir!" replied Harriet and ran off, saving her skin and leaving Tiner to deal with his own fallout.

The Admiral's dark eyes zeroed in on the young NCO "A word of advice, Tiner."

"Yes, sir?" if possible Tiner shrunk even more into his chair.

"Gossiping is for Marines and women and you are neither. You are a Petty Officer of the United States Navy, so act according to your station!"

"Aye aye, sir!"

Chegwidden sent him another piercing glare then turned around, entering his own office, leaving the young man to slump in relief behind the desk.

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Harm took the time to lock the door and close the blinds, not wanting an audience for what he knew would be a scene.

Ignoring the way Loren paced in the small room, like a caged tigress, he calmly made his way past her and into his chair on the other side of the desk.

Leaning forward he steepled his fingers together, looking up at the woman with the calm and serenity that unfortunately only managed to piss her off even more.

Changing her direction of travel Loren stalked over to the desk, slamming both hands on it and leaned forward to glare into his eyes.

"What was that about?"

Unfortunately her position didn't have the desired effect of intimidating him. It's hard to intimidate someone who's not only twice your weight, but into who's eyes you can't look down into even when they're sitting.

"What was what about?"

There was that calm tone that had Loren barely stopping herself from leaping forward and wrapping her hands around his neck. She knew that would have no effect since his neck was too thick for her hands to even close around, but at least she would make a good show of it.

And earn herself a charge for assaulting a superior officer along the way... IF Harm would've been inclined to do anything about it... which she was sure he wouldn't. Well, mostly. Make that, not really.

"That... that... look between the Admiral and you." she spat out, trying to scorch him with her eyes.

"The... look?" Harm pretended incomprehension as a way of buying time, coincidentally landing his eyes on the delicate looking hands on the desk before him.

He'd never really noticed it before, but they were a very nice looking pair of hands. Small, with Loren's trademark goldish hue, perfectly proportioned and shaped, like the rest of her, gentle looking in the way he knew Loren could be if she no longer felt the need to put up this heartless facade and if her priorities in life would be permitted to re-adjust.

When he saw them twitch, fingers curling like they were squeezing someone's throat, he realized his mind had wondered off for too long, and should really return to Earth unless he wanted those lovely hands, he'd been admiring, wrapped around his own throat...

Aquamarines hit icy blues and all pretense vanished. Putting his own hands together and rubbing at his face in emotional exhaustion he leaned back in his chair and looked at her.

"What do you want me to say, Loren?" he demanded tiredly, flinging out his arms in an exasperated gesture that clearly telegraphed the message _' What are you gonna do about it, it's not like I can do anything else but this.'_

"I want you to tell me it wasn't as patronizing as it looked!" she cried out "Like I'm some kid who can't take care of herself just because I'm a woman and therefore need a man to look after me!"

' Oh god, not this crap again.' Harm moaned inwardly, after years of Mac finally fed-up with prickly people looking for and finding hidden meanings to words and actions when there were none.

Levelling a stern, serious look at her Harm tried his best to explain the situation, sincerity ringing in his tone.

"Loren, it might offend your hardline feminist sensibilities, but the fact of the matter is that men have felt responsibility to look after the women in their tribe and protect them for millenia, ever since life was first created. It's the nature of the creature, the strongest instinct in any living being right after self-preservation. We can turn it off just as much as most women can turn off turning into a puddle at the sight of a small baby. It's a part of us, an integral part of what makes us men, every man worth his salt is like that. Others who don't have this instinct don't deserve to be men."

Loren's eyes narrowed into a glare, one under which Harm refused to wilt, no matter how murderous it became. He set his chin and glared right back at her.

"So, you can either deal with it or you can s..."

Realizing what he was about to say he shut his mouth with a crack. Proposing to a lawyer they can sue you is NOT a good idea...

The damage was already done, however, as he could see comprehension dawn in Loren as her eyes widened.

' Oh well, if I'm about to go down, I'll go down fighting.' he decided, returning her look steadily, unwaveringly.

To his pleasant surprise Loren's comprehension didn't turn into an intent, instead one of her elegant blond eyebrows rose in a teasing manner and the corner of her lips twitched. Her holding back laughter, or giggles at least, was definitely a good sign, Harm decided.

Their eyes met again and suddenly they burst out laughing together.

After they'd calmed down Loren straightened up and leaned her hip on the edge of Harm's desk, sighing before looking briefly at him.

"There's nothing I can do or say to stop you from doing that, is there?" Loren's voice marked her defeat and Harm shook his head in a negative, his senses still on high alert.

"Like it or not I'm already personally involved in this. Even if it weren't for our trip to the park you're a part of the JAG family and here we take care of our own."

Sighing in final resignation Loren looked away for a couple of seconds before nodding "Okay, if there's not other way... Can you do me one favor, though?"

Harm nodded wordlessly.

"Don't hover so much you'll suffocate me."

"It's a promise."

"Thanks."

Nodding in goodbye, Loren turned around and left his office, leaving Harm staring after her.

His mind was on high alert, red flags waving, alarms screaming, strobe lights flashing.

That'd been too easy, WAAAAAAAAAY too easy...

He knew Loren, knew the way she thought, the way she operated. It hadn't taken long to figure her out. No matter how much she and Mac hated each other's guts, they were a lot alike at times. Prickly and fiercely independent. Unfortunately too many people take their independence too far, over the point where other people will give up on that person and move on, believing their support is not wanted. And then comes a time when that person finally realizes they need help and/or support and they either don't know how to ask for it or the intended receipients think they are reading something that's not there.

There was no way in hell Loren would just give up, especially not like that, not even with that promise she'd gotten out of him.

No way, Loren wouldn't go down without a fight and Harm knew he'd have a fight on his hands before she'd finally allow his support.

Watching her hips sway away from him and the confident, almost smug, way in which she held herself it was perfetly clear Loren believed she'd fooled Harm.

The smile around Harm's lips turned mischevious.

He'd let her think she'd won.

For now.

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**Reviews are love.**


	8. Chapter 8

Over 24 hours later Harmon Rabb unlocked his apartment door with a sigh and tiredly trudged inside. It had been one hell of a day at work and he'd been stuck interviewing witnesses with Mac. Who was PMS-ing... Hold on a minute, how could he know that since she seemed to be PMS-ing continuously during the past few years? Anyway, his absence from the HQ also meant he hadn't had a chance to talk to the other fiery woman in his life ever since that time in his office.

Putting his briefcase away, hanging up his uniform jacket and removing his tie, throwing it on the couch, Harm noticed the blinking light on the answering machine. He frowned, unsure of who it could be.

Pressing the button to play the messages he made his way to the kitchen area, opening the fridge and taking out a cold beer. Just as he opened one and took a first swig a feminine voice floated out of the speaker.

"Hey, Harm, it's Renee. I'll be in town for a couple of days next month and I had a really nice time last time, so I thought I'd give you a ring. Anyway, call me and let me know what you think."

The bottle froze in the air, Harm's previously smooth brow suddenly mimicking ocean in winter.

Renee.

He hadn't thought of her in a couple of days, something that caused guilt to surface, their last date now seemingly a lifetime ago with everything that had happened in the meantime.

They'd gone out a couple of times, in a casual air, but that was it even though she quite obviously wanted more from him.

Renee Petersen was no doubt a lovely woman, tall, lithe, thin, very buxom, blond, sophisticated, intelligent, had a great ass,... The type to turn a man's head at least once if not twice. And once you got past her not-that-deep outlook on life and priorities - consequences of her job, once you meant something to her, you discovered a really nice person hiding underneath: she cared about people truly important to her and felt things deeply, if they managed to make it through the hard shell and walls she'd built because of her job and the circles she moved in.

Yet Harm hadn't had the impression they'd actually connected. True, she was a good and fun company, but that wasn't stuff lasting marriages were made of. Then there were a few points of tension between them, the biggest being his piloting. Harm knew full well Renee wasn't thrilled with his dangerous career, though she'd always been careful to hide it, her position in his life neither strong nor defined enough to allow any critiques or demands for him to change his life.

The visceral knowledge had always been there inside of him, but hidden beneath all the layers of denial: a relationship with a non-military woman would never work for him, the Navy was too much a part of him and civilian women neither understood nor sympathised nor felt it themselves.

Yet, not even involvement with a Navy woman was a guarantee for the relationship's success, the way things had ended with Jordan being a great proof to the opposite.

As cliche and corny as it sounded, if he wanted a lasting, successful relationship he had to find himself a woman who'd accept and love all of him, not just a part. That excluded all of the women he'd been involved with, even Mac. Especially Mac, no other woman had ever showed such a strong hatred of sides of him so clearly and viciously as she had, like when he'd left for flying, the hateful way she'd treated him for it for months after. Even now, over a year later, he was still paying for going back to what defined him, what had defined him ever since he'd been old enough to think.

Then a memory floated back to him, a memory of a gorgeous smile, deep blue eyes, hair the color of purest gold, blindingly white uniform and LTJG bars on her collar.

_The one that got away._

The only one who'd ever accepted and loved all of him, pilot, lawyer, traumatized child, a son searching for his father, a suffering soul tortured by guilt of killing his best friend and losing what he loved most,... She'd disappeared from his life before he could sort through the mess his former girlfriend's death had created and tell her how he really felt about her.

Wasting time on other women and the regs, sure she would always be there, instead of making absolutely sure he'd always have her in his life was probably the single biggest regret of his life. Even now, over four years later, it still hurt when he thought of her.

Yet, life went on and he had to live with it.

That was why it would've been cruel to drag this thing with Renee on if he knew nothing would come of it, best he called it off ASAP, for both of their sakes. Life is too short to waste time and make others waste time with you too.

Thinking of what he would have to do, dread settled heavily in the pit of his stomach and he groaned.

Crap, how was he gonna do this? He sucked at ending relationships or even nipping them in the bud, had little practice with it, usually _he_ was the one being dumped.

Knowing how that hurt he was extremely reluctant to inflict that pain on another, an innocent other, but it was better he did it now than live a lie and go through a much messier break-up later, hurting Renee even more than he would be now.

Sighing in misery he picked up the phone and began dialing.

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Disconnecting the line Harm rubbed his face in emotional exhaustion. The talk he'd just had hadn't been pleasant, not by a long shot.

Not that there had been any scene, Renee had been extremely mature and adult when he'd broken the news as gently as he could, but Harm knew he'd hurt her nonetheless and it was that, that was weighing heavily on his heart.

Knowing he could do nothing about it he thought for a second before a strained smile appeared. There was something worth checking out, a theory that needed to be confirmed or disproved.

Picking up the phone again he searched through the phonebook for a few seconds before pressing the call button. It rang for nearly 10 seconds before it was picked up.

"Hello?" the soft female voice had a tinge of wariness and suspicion, making Harm guess she didn't have him in her phonebook and thus didn't recognize the number.

"Rabb here..."

"Commander?" the surprise was clear in her voice, joining the previous emotions "How can I help you, sir?"

It seemed strange to be going by ranks after what they'd shared just a day ago, but the military was much too much ingrained in them both to drop decades of conditioning and go by first names just because they'd established some kind of connection past just coworkers.

"I hope I'm not disturbing?"

He could swear he'd heard a small angry snort of irritation. But that couldn't have been right...

On the other end of the line Loren blushed for letting that noise of exasperation slip out. No matter how exasperated she was with him over hovering and over not just getting to the point right away, she should've had better control of herself than to let it show.

"Don't worry, CDR, you're not. How can I help you?"

Harm was seriously tempted to start chanting _' Liar, liar, pants on fire ', _but decided it wouldn't be dignified for a senior officer to do so. Instead he did it in his head, acknowledging the guilty pleasure he felt at doing so. Quickly collecting himself again he cleared his throat and began with the prepared speech, most of which was the truth.

"I've heard the staff is going out for drinks tonight and I hoped you'd want to join us. I can be at your place ASAP, so you won't have to bother with your car..."

There was silence on the line for a few seconds as Loren's sharp mind considered the request together with all the angles, possibilities and potential consequences of different answers.

Finally she spoke up again.

"Thanks for the offer, Commander, I'd love to, but I just don't have the time, I'm washing my hair tonight."

The phone call ended quickly after that, Loren promising him a rain check.

Leaning his chin on the phone in his hand an amused smile played on Harm's lips.

Just as he'd expected, he'd been turned down, something that would've stung in a different situation, but now it only amused him. Loren was behaving the way he'd guessed she would.

Though her voice had been apologetic enough through their entire conversation to convince anyone of it's sincerity, Harm wasn't fooled.

Not only because she'd used the oldest female excuse in the book, hair-washing-evening, but because he knew the way her mind worked. There was no way she would just give in and let someone in without some considerable pressure, besides to not wanting to spend time with her peers.

Even though he'd just been testing her he hadn't been bluffing. The staff really HAD gone out for drinks and he would've been nearly ecstatic if the family's black sheep would've deigned to stoop down enough to grace them with an hour of her precious time, the time she usually spent plotting on how to achieve world domination. In that case he would've gladly driven even to Baltimore to pick her up, not just the few blocks over to her apartment.

There was still an evening left before her appointment.

Perhaps tomorrow he would call in the heavy artillery...

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**Reviews are love.**


	9. Chapter 9

Huge thanks to **jojobevco, Lynnp, Vesja, Michi uk **and **zeilfanaat** for their reviews.

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It was an hour before closing time when she had a visitor.

"Lieutenant?"

The voice made her jump to attention "Sir?"

"At ease. Sit down."

She obeyed as he took a seat across the desk. Unnerved she watched the man as he made himself comfortable in the small, hard wooden chair, slouching in it. Steepling his hands together he observed her quietly for a minute, notching up her anxiety and confusion, before finally speaking.

"Have any plans tonight?"

Loren couldn't help but be surprised. This question was usually a precursor into a date invitation and it was _not_ something a CO would ask a subordinate...

"No, sir."

She still had enough respect for authority not to make up some story. She had no definite plans except to wallow in self-pity and vent anger at the world.

"Good." Chegwidden replied thoughtfully, hiding a little smirk.

"Then you won't mind coming to the tavern tonight? Petty Officer Chambers passed his last exam and is buying a round of drinks."

Loren's mind was feverishly trying to find a way out of this, she really didn't feel like going out tonight. Not that she ever felt like going out with someone...

"Exam, sir?" she asked, trying to buy time to come up with a good excuse.

The problem with the military is, however, that CO's' invitations are no invitations, but nicely disguised orders, when they even bother to "invite" instead of just ordering straight out that is.

And since Chegwidden knew of her situation and was asking her nonetheless she knew she had no choice.

She wasn't playing clueless completely, though, because she really didn't know what exam he was talking about. She wasn't even sure who Chambers was exactly...

"He just became a Legalman, Lieutenant." the Admiral's brow furrowed in consternation "And that's exactly the reason you should come. You've been with us for a year now and you're yet to take any interest in your coworkers. Besides, you need a distraction."

"Sir, I..." Loren floundered, wanting to find a way out of this, but not succeeding. She _really _ didn't want to be among people tonight, tomorrow's doctor visit making her so anxious she was on the verge of vomitting.

"Good, it's settled." Chegwidden decided, ignoring Loren's aghast expression "It's at the usual time... Oh, that means 2000 hours." he couldn't help the snarky reminder that she'd never showed up for any of these occasions.

"Aye, sir." Loren deflated.

"And seeing you have such an old car I think it's best someone comes pick you up to avoid any problems with it that would stop you from attending."

If she hadn't been sure of who had put him up to this, she surely would've been now... Her car was only 5 years old and the previous owner had kept it in excellent condition... there was no way it was old enough to be plagued with malfunctions, especially enough to develop them out of the blue.

"He surely won't have any problems with his car, seeing as he is such an able mechanic."

Chegwidden's tone made her wonder.

"Be ready to go at 1930."

Having said his piece, Chegwidden stood and left the small office, leaving a defeated officer inside.

Stopping behind the corner he looked at the man who'd been waiting for him.

"Mission accomplished, Commander and I agree, she need this. She needs something to take her mind off it. Take good care of her."

Harm nodded "I will, sir."

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When she heard the knocking on her door at 1929 hours Loren made sure everything was turned off before opening the front door. Without saying a word or even looking at the man standing there she locked her apartment and walked off down the stairs.

Harm looked after her in bewilderment, her cold behaviour throwing him off track. He'd known she wouldn't be enthusiastic, but had honestly expected another berating and not this cold shoulder. She hadn't even returned his hello...

Arriving outside the building he spotted Loren standing by the side door of his Lexus and he exhaled in relief. At least she wasn't about to make problems about _that_.

As he walked over he had to acknowledge she cleaned up nicely. While she wasn't dressed to kill, the black skirt and dark blue blouse looked good on her. Even though most women didn't even consider it a hair-style Harm had to admit the pony-tail really fitted her, leaving her entire face revealed, not hiding her attractiveness. She really _was _a good looking woman, but, Harm was sure, she would've been a stunning, drop-dead gorgeous one if she'd at least smile once in a while.

And not her shark-like smile, but an honest, happy, carefree smile. Which made him realize that that exactly was the reason she never smiled: she obviously wasn't happy with her life and she definitely wasn't carefree.

10 yards from the car he used the remote to unlock it. Assuming now that she was more collected than the day he'd forced that confession out of her, she'd be like Mac who resented chivalrous gestures, he was about to get in the car when he stopped.

Loren wasn't making a move to get in even though it was quite clear the car was unlocked. Instead, she was standing there, feet apart, crossed arms supporting her breasts, chin set and glaring at him.

So, this was how it was gonna be, eh? This was how she was gonna make him pay for manipulating her to get out of her apartment by involving the Admiral. She was probably gonna be difficult and obnoxious throughout the evening.

Setting his own jaw, Harm refused to regret being concerned about her.

Opening the door for her he waited for her to get in without a word, then closed it.

The ride over was spent in silence, even his compliment of her clothes was met with a glare.

Why the hell did the women he cared about always take his caring as an offense?

Harm sighed quietly, it was going to be a long evening.

When they arrived at the tavern he opened the door for her again and again without even a look of thanks.

About to enter the building Loren stopped, making him stop as well. Seeing her raised eyebrow he looked at her in confusion, clueless what she wanted of him now.

"Didn't your mother teach you any manners?"

She was still pissed alright...

Cluing in, Harm extened an elbow for Loren to hang on to. When she did he opened the door and let her go before him.

If he'd been curious about Loren's motivations for such ceremonies, his doubts were all banished for as soon as their friends caught sight of them he could feel sharp nails dig into his arm.

He held back the grimace of pain, not wanting to let his friends on, but mainly unwilling to give Loren the satisfaction.

Okay, he got it. She was angry at him for backing her into a corner by involving the Admiral, forcing her to go out when all she wanted to do was stay home and brood. For that she was making him pay. The good part about it was that with Loren he was at least sure she wouldn't intentionally try to embarrass him as part of revenge.

No, she would just act like a bitch and try to make him as miserable as possible.

Tough for her, though, was that Harm had plenty of recent experience with a woman acting like that. Compared to that woman, Loren was definitely an amateur in bitchiness.

Unfortunately for Loren, Harm already had a plan in place for just that occasion, a plan that would insure her maximum interaction with others and minimum interaction with him, if the circumstances required it.

He could see some of the non-coms snicker and whisper as they watched them approach, Chegwidden looking at them as if he wasn't sure whether they were aliens or not, Mac looking pissed, Bud as always confused and Harriet thoughtful. The other officers paid them no heed, deep in their conversation on court strategies.

As soon as Loren let go upon arriving at the table Harm moved out of her reach, covertly shaking his arm and rubbing the punctured spots in an attempt to soothe the sting.

Harriet, whom Harm had notified of his plan of socializing Loren but not about the story behind it, immediately swooped in, taking over as she physically pulled Loren into her little group, involving her in their conversation.

Harm, in the meantime, gratefully took the empty seat next to the Admiral, who was smirking at him from behind his glass of beer.

"What was that all about, Commander?"

Harm shrugged, sighing heavily as he wiped away small droplets of blood from his small wounds "Payback, sir."

Chegwidden couldn't contain his amusement, which didn't really help matters.

"The Lieutenant's quite a firecracker, isn't she?"

Harm sighed "You have no idea, sir."

Looking down into his beer, the Admiral sobered "It's hard to care about someone when they're doing all they can to make sure no-one would care about them, keeping everyone far away and isolating themselves. Or, even worse, acting in the way others would get the impression they're not even worthy of being cared about."

"You sound like you're speaking from experience, sir." Harm dared.

Admiral frowned at him "Not really. I just recognize the signs. Singer for some reason either thinks she's not worthy of meaning something to anyone or has been hurt in the past and isn't willing and ready to trust anyone again. Either or both. In any case, you're gonna have to be steadfast if you want her to let you in and we both know she's got a better chance of beating this if she's got some sort of support system."

"Aye, sir." Harm replied, deep in dark thoughts "That I know."

Chegwidden looked at him curiously, but seeing Harm wasn't willing to share he turned back to his beer.

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